


Green Is The Color

by orphan_account



Category: Captain America (Movies), Deadpool - All Media Types, Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Jealous Steve Rogers, Jealousy, M/M, Mutual Pining, Possessive Behavior
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-21
Updated: 2018-06-21
Packaged: 2019-05-26 16:25:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15004766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Tony and Steve are stupid, so Natasha comes up with a plan to get them together.





	Green Is The Color

They’ve been doing this dance for Lord knows how long now, and it’s far beyond ridiculous at this point. Even Fury can’t help but roll his eyes any time they happen to catch one of these awkward balancing acts between Steve and Tony.

“Fucking idiots,” Natasha mutters to Nick when she catches him watching. He just grunts in agreement as he lifts his tumbler of scotch to his lips. The two men across the room seem oblivious to the fact that they’re being observed like two monumentally stupid penguins in a zoo. They’re obviously flirting with each other, but neither is observant enough to realize that the other is returning their advances. Steve honest-to-God giggles at something Tony says, and the S.H.I.E.L.D agents watching them throw their heads back in frustration and disbelief.

“I was in the ice for a long time.” That’s Bucky’s voice, and his next statement makes Fury snort. “But I didn’t know it was free to watch the circus these days.

“You haven’t seen this yet?” Nick asks. “They’ve been acting like this for months.”

“Damn,” Bucky says. “We gotta do somethin’. This is dumb.”

“I have an idea,” Natasha says. “Might be stupid. Call Pepper, and get Wilson over here.”

“Jesus, Romanov,” Nick groans. “Have you ever met that motherfucker? I don’t think this is worth it.”

“Trust me, Fury. I have to live with them. You can handle being in the same room as Wade Wilson.”

“Fine, I’ll get him here tomorrow morning.”

-

“Okay, you all know the situation,” Natasha starts, then eyes Wade. “Wilson, to fill you in: Steve and Tony are into each other, but they’re idiots. They keep eye-fucking in common spaces, and we need to get them together so they’ll at least fuck in privacy.”

“So why am I here?” Wade asks. “Am I here to instigate a threesome? Because I’m in.”

“No,” Fury says, unamused.

“No,” Natasha confirms. “As I’m sure you know, the Captain has a bit of a possessive streak and a lot of an ego, and he doesn’t care much for you. You’re gonna put the moves on Stark and make Steve jealous in front of a whole bunch of people. We’re having a party tomorrow night.”

“What?!” Wade exclaims. “Why would I do that? I’m sure you know that I don’t exactly play well with Captain Tightass.”

“I thought about asking Bucky. It would get the same reaction ultimately for Steve to see his best friend hitting on Tony, but Stark’s still got a sore spot toward the Winter Soldier. You’ll obviously be compensated.”

“I’m not a mercenary anymore, Romanov. You can’t buy me.” He pauses. “Well...maybe. How much are we talking?”

“Five hundred. What do you say, Wilson?” Natasha remains stoic as ever. She never becomes impatient - possibly because of her training as an assassin, or possibly because she already knows what his answer will be.

“I’m not exactly Stark’s type,” Wade says quietly, looking down as though he suddenly remembers what he looks like. “You know - Freddy Krueger and all.”

“Tony doesn’t have a type,” Pepper says with an eye roll. “His type is easy, and you definitely have a reputation.”

“Fine,” Wade sighs. “I’ll do it.”

“Good,” Natasha says with a nod. “Clean up a little before the party, would you?”

“Don’t worry, Romanov. If I do my job right - and I always do - Rogers will be worshipping a different flagpole by the end of the night.”

-

The party sneaks up on Tony, but he figures it’s probably just another downfall of never listening to Pepper. She said he’s allowed to drink at this one, though, so he straightens his tie in the mirror and makes his way down from his bedroom. There are already a good fifty people in his living room, and he immediately makes a beeline for the bar.

“Hey there, cutie,” someone says from behind him, and the warm breath on Tony’s neck sends a shiver up his spine. He frowns at the term of endearment, but the challenge of a voice laced with as much sarcasm as his own is far too much to pass up. He plasters on a flirtatious grin, picks up the martini the bartender hands him, and whips around. His shock to come face to face with Wade Wilson is quickly replaced by a devilish smirk.

“Wilson,” he says deviously, reaching forward to place one hand on Wade’s shoulder as if to feel if the ex-merc is still there. “You handsome devil. Who invited you here tonight?”

“Oh, Tony, you know me better than that,” Wade says, leaning in close to his ear. Tony’s breath catches in his throat. Wade can see Steve watching them from the corner of the room, and he grins. It’s working - this stupid game he’s playing - but he’s also having a good deal of fun watching Iron Man shiver under the slightest contact from him. He wants to tease the billionaire for his responsiveness, but he chooses not to. That could make Tony defensive, and that would ruin the whole plan. As Wade leans in to press a teasing kiss to the erogenous zone just below Tony’s ear, he winks subtly at Natasha, who’s gesturing in the direction of a very pissed off Steve Rogers. “I don’t need an invitation.”

“Dammit,” Tony hisses, and almost involuntarily grips Wade’s wrist for balance. “Come dance with me, Wilson. Quit being such a tease.”

Wade happily obliges, leading Tony out to the floor and pulling him in tight again. All the while, he makes sure that Steve’s possessive eyes stay locked on the pair. He just grins and makes a show of burying his face in Tony’s neck until the shorter man whines. Sure, this is a job, but it’s also kind of fun to make Captain America and the richest man in the world squirm.

-

Finally, Steve has had enough. He’s spent the past twenty minutes watching that dickhead merc Wilson grinding on his Tony. It’s ridiculous that he’s so jealous, but he is. Every time he catches the slightest glimpse of his friend’s eyes glazed over with subdued pleasure, he feels rage bubbling up in the most unfamiliar way. He finally marches across the dance floor and grabs Tony by the arm.

“Okay, that’s enough,” he says authoritatively. Tony looks at him, confused, as though he’s waking up from a ten hour nap. Steve has never seen him so disoriented, and it makes him frown. He hasn’t even seen Tony take a sip of his forgotten martini, so all of that space in his eyes was undeniably caused by Wilson. Steve feels his insides turn green with envy. “Wilson, nice to see you again. I need to steal Tony. Tony, come on.”

Tony frowns but lets Steve drag him out of the room and into the deserted kitchen.

“What the hell, Steve?” he asks when he finally gets his wits about him. “I know you wouldn’t be able to tell, but I was having fun out there.”

“Shut the fuck up, Tony,” Steve growls, and grips Tony’s arms to pull him close. He looks intensely into his eyes. “Just shut up.”

“Whoa, what is up, dude?” Tony asks, genuinely concerned now.

“You’re mine,” Steve says, and Tony’s eyes widen while his chest thumps. “Goddammit, Tony, you’re fuckin’ mine, okay? I’m sorry I didn’t say anything, but you’re mine, and I don’t wanna share you. Especially not with some lowlife fuckin’ merc.”

Tony only stares at him, baffled, for a moment. Then he breaks into a Cheshire grin.

“Steve Rogers, you sly bastard,” he says, laughing. “Are you saying that you're jealous?”

“Obviously!” Steve retaliates. Tony’s voice drops lower on his next sentence.

“Are you saying that you want me as much as I want you?” Steve whimpers - fucking whimpers - at that. “Why don’t you show me, then? Maybe if you leave a mark, Wilson will know who I belong to next time.”

Outside the door, Wade and Natasha shake hands with satisfied smiles.


End file.
